The Darwin Awards

[The Darwin Awards] "are given every year to bestow upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single- minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool."

Here are some current candidates:


[AP, Mammoth Lakes, Ca.]

"A San Anselmo man dies yesterday when he hit a lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain Ski Area while riding down the slope on a foam pad authorities said."

"Matthew David Hubal, 22, was pronounced dead at Centinela Mammoth Hospital. The accident occured about 3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's Dept. said. Hubal and some friends apparently had hiked up a ski run called Stump Alley and undid some yellow foam protectors from the lift towers, said Lieutenant Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes P.D. The pads are used to protect skiers who might hit the towers. The group apparently used the pads to slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a tower. It has since been investigated that the tower he hit was the one with the pad removed."

[AP, St. Louis, MO]

"Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St.Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call the police, Puelo grabbed a hot-dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out of the store without paying for it."

"Police found him unconcious in front of the store: paramedics removed the six-inch-wiener from his throat, where it had choked him to death."

[UPI, Spain]

"To poacher Marino Malbera, who shot a stag standing above him on an overhanging rock-- and was killed instantly when it fell on him."

[Associated Press, Kincaid, W. Va.]

"Man Loses Face at Party"

"A man at a party popped a blasting-cap into him mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off his lips, teeth and tounge, sate police said Wednesday. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting-cap as a prank during a party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne. 'Another man had in in an aquarium, hooked to a battery, and was trying to explode it,' Payne said. 'It wouldn't go off and this guys said, 'I'll show you how to set it off.' "He put it in his mouth and bit down. It blew all of his teeth off, his tounge and his lips.' Payne said. Stromyer was listed in guarded condition Wednesday with extensive facial injuries, according to a spokesman at Charelston Area Medical Division. 'I just can't imagine anyone doing something like that.' Payne said."

[UPI, Portland Oregon]

"Doctors at Portland's University Hospital said Wednesday an Oregon man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive, and will be releasedsoon from the hospital."

"Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last weekend during an initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous, in Grants Pass, Ore. A friend tried to shoot a beer can off of his head, but the arrow entered Roberts' right eye. Doctors said had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a major blood vessel would have been cut and Roberts would have died instantly. Neurosurgeon Dr. Johnny Delashaw at the University Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain, with the tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said had Robert tried to pull the arrow out on his own he surely would have killed himself. Roberts admitted afterwards that he and his friends had been drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, 'I feel so dumb about this.'"

[Associated Press, Arkansas]

"Pillsbury Dough Boy Wanted for Attempted Murder"

"A woman name Linda went to Arkansas last week to visit her in-laws, and while there, went to a store. She parked next to a car with a woman sitting in it, her eyes closed and hands behind her head, apparently sleeping. When Linda came out a while later, she again saw the woman, her hands still behind her head but with her eyes open."

"The woman looked very strange, so Linda tapped on the window and said, 'Are you okay?' The woman answered, 'I've been shoy in the head, and I'm holding in my brains in.' Linda sisn't know what to do; so she ran into the store, where store officials called the paramedics. They had to break into the car because the door was locked. When they got in, they found that the woman had bread dough on the back of her head and in her hands."

"A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded, apparently from the heat in the car, making a loud explosion like that of a gunshot, and hit her in the head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She passed out from fright at first, then attempted to hold her brains in!"

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